P.S. wrote this a week back, posting now.I know a post script comes in after the piece but this is how i do.Also i've purposely deleted some stuff from the 8th paragraph which i'll update later. I've already written it, but now is not the right time.
--
I hate this time. I'm not appearing for any MBA entrances unlike everyone else, i don't have a job yet and I have no clue what i want to do post college(meaning what sort of work/advertising/consulting/law/sit around and study for MBA/sit around and do nothing/baah), life, Relationships baaaaabaaaa(the way Rekha shouts in Khoon Bhari Maang. Now, Why do i know this). The other day i was watching a movie(Fashion, very has-been, don't watch it.music is not bad though) and i felt i shouldn't be having fun because I'm not supposed to. We ended up doing a lot of crazy stuff inside but on the way back home, that sinking feeling still hit me. Why is everything not the same. I'm going to be 20 soon. Nice, now I'm old too.Perfect.
The *biggest* problem with me is I leave everything to the last moment possible and many a times don't do what is right/what should ideally have been done/ 'The right thing at the right time'/you get the picture. And i take everything and everyone for granted.And i'm not just talking about the above paragraph here.Everything.Everywhere.Everytime.Because in my bubble, everything runs the way i want it to.And it had worked fine for me *until now*.
Man, sometimes i hate myself. At other times, i make do with what I have, because I am all I've got.Haha no, I don't really feel the last line. I just wrote it since it sounded witty. But coming back, as Gandhi said, 'be the change you wish to see in the world'. So lately, instead of cribbing I've started making amends for previous foolish mistakes. Not because Gandhi told me to, but since I really feel it is high time i did. I could write gaffes but, in all honesty, i've been foolish. Let's just hope undo most of my follies and I have a happy story at the end of the tunnel. Fk that. If it isn't happy, its not the end.
I heard Mikey, my colony friend who is away to study's dog, died recently. and I really felt bad. He had been a nice fellow(mikey) and after seeing the way i reacted to the news, i wondered what it had been like had my own dog died(if i did have a dog i.e.). I get too attached, even if i don't show it. But in the same vein, it is our emotions that make us human. And i like it this way.
CCL, the college cricket tourney is around the corner(so are exams) and lets hope my team has fun. Coming to the me and shera in a team debate, Ek Mayaan mein do talwaar nahi reh sakti !hehe.We have taken friends over proven performers so lets hope the gamble pays off.Winning comes in later, but the most important thing is that we enjoy while we're at it. Everything else will follow suit.
Also, while we're at it, i think of aadhar and how i couldn't take him in my team because of his heart condition. Dude, i love you(in a non-gay manner as you already know) even if i don't always say it. And i'm not just talking about the cricket team here, I mean generally.Going out and telling people(guys) that you love them doesn't sound right in my head, maybe because it isn't a guy thing. Not being sexist here, just a thought. But hey, i just did.But i'm not going to do that too often. Nah. VERY Weird.
What is it with AI. She acts so ajeeb i don't even know i should be doing anything at all.Why do you feel me up ! I barely know you !Man, girls are weird. Guys are still monosyllabic ogres who want food, sex and sleep, though not necessarily in that order. Girls are way too complexer(wow. a new word). They have so many layers to them one(guys) can barely imagine. And i speak from experience. Though this one has been totally weird.
Talking of weird, why do i get weird when it has to do with S. WHY? Its like i become a totally different weird shy awkward person and she's probably thinking I'm a goner. (..) C’mon I don't even know her that well. (..) talking to her (..).But deep down (..) it is totally my fault i screwed everything up. Why do i always wake up so late? Its like a sudden moment of epiphany and voila now i realise everything..Heck if i can go o(..) 10 years(?)(..)At least I won't regret it later.(..) Is it too late? Will this become a shitty story I'll tell my grand kids(?!) (..)The least i can do is to tell (..)But the problem is, by not doing something I can 1) still have the hope in my head that there is still a possi(..) and 2)i dont like the idea of (..) and everything being over(..)I'd rather have her as a (..)friend( can i say friend?)than not at all. It does'nt feel right. I was probably not afraid of the outcome in my previous '(..)'so i went ahead and did as i thought. but this time its different.Man, i have my exams coming up i should really be studying.Aargh.I dont even know where this is headed so I'll stop at that.
Oh the newsletter came out today. Not bad at all. I was mighty proud, what with the whole editors column et all.. haha yea. I'm glad i took to writing. I lowe it. People love it. And i love the love too. it took some effort planning out the whole newsletter though. Paru, if you're reading this you're the best. I wonder what it'd be without your designing 'expertise' :)
Coming to humour then. The thing with humour is, it disarms people, makes them trust you and gives them the illusion they've known you longer than they actually have. It is a win win situation! (See !). Its not that I am funny dhawan 24/7. It is more like 8/7.But i like to keep things easy as and when I can. Am i afraid to show the serious side of me to everyone? Or am i using humour as a defence mechanism? What am i, Chandler?! Let us leave that to your imagination.Ah well, another day another time.
I'll update this later. I should really sleep now.and i wrote this directly into the window so excuse the grammatical errors.
rgds,
dh
